Coming back to school it was hard to share everything that had happened abroad. So many stories, jokes, heartbreak, laughter, tears, pain, fun, and memories to share. I did my best picking and choosing but never really felt like I shared it all and of course still have not.
On my arrival back I met with one of my favorite professors who talked to me about being back on the hill-- all of me, body, mind, and spirit. And I think that until the beginning of May, when I spoke at Fellowship of Christian Oles (FCO) here on the hill, my spirit hadn't fully returned. It was through sharing some of the most impactful parts of the trip that I was able to be reminded of my time in Central America and become more whole once again.
After a brief introduction about CGE, the countries and classes, I began to explain about my time in El Salvador and our reflections at the end of our month there. For my personal reflection I made 3 outlines of El Salvador, using words that described El Salvador in the past, present, and future, each complete with a quote from Monseñor Oscar Romero or Jon Sobrino. Then I drew my heart, outlined with words and people that had affected me during our month in El Salvador. The quote on my heart read, "I have visited. I have seen. I will witness.", it was an adaptation from something a visitor at the UCA had signed in the guestbook. I had recently found this heart in my folder at the end of April and had to pause to think about the idea of witnessing. I think sharing at FCO provided a great opportunity for that.
I shared about my conversations with my Guatemalan Spanish teacher, Teresa, our similar thoughts on life and religion yet her belief in no God. My time with Hector in El Salvador, his dedication to walk with the people of his community. About how he did not talk to them about his beliefs just simply accompanied them as they fought for electricity and now running water. He knew talking about faith would simply bring conflict and he was not there to discuss that but to help them gain basic rights because that was a part of his faith. I shared about the community in Bajo Lempa, their example of Liberation Theology in action and their commitment to serving one another. I talked about Peggy and her love of the Salvadoran people. Her craziness and her class and her dedication to others.
Then I read part of the People's Prayer, a variation on the Lord's Prayer written by Peggy and her friend. I highlighted the following paragraph. ((But please read all of it if you haven't yet. So good.))
-->
"Forgive
our giving up, our fixation on being comfortable and powerful
as
a nation, a church, a people
from
specific privileged social
locations
who would like to keep things this way most of the time.
Forgive
our inability to see beyond our street and experience,
thereby
denying the lives lived by others,
and
denying the power and complexity that is you.
Forgive
our insistence on locking you in a box,
a
wall, a room-
We
have trespassed on your fullness,
your
design, your sacred spaces. Forgive our self-made
boundaries
that
deny who you are..."
Although my reflection of El Salvador centered around this idea of putting God in box, the first part of this paragraph is extremely relevant now, being back in the US and confronting my privilege. But back to the God in a box part, through my experiences abroad I was able to "break that God box" and after speaking with my professor on my return to Olaf, I wrote the following.
""During my time abroad I learned more about what it means to
be a loving person and how that means accepting people as they are and owning up to that in everyday life. Not trying
to change them and make them believe some set of human created rules about
Christianity. God and faith shouldn’t be about trying to make others believe
the same thing as you. It shouldn’t be judging others for thinking or acting
differently. For me, faith is living a life full of love and service. Not
judging others because they don’t believe the same thing as me. Not being
silent out of disagreements. Instead being open to others, to love them, to embrace
them. While abroad, my “God box” was destroyed. And I am so thankful. It has
been so liberating. When I say that my “God box” was destroyed, I mean that other
people’s ideas and attempts to define God have been pushed aside. I still value
and like to hear about people’s definitions and explanations, and I see that as
so important and vital, a constant dialogue. Now I feel more able to own up to my
ideas about God. Creator and sculptor of the world. Breathing life into all. In
every human. One does not need to “come to Jesus” to experience God. God is
experienced in the watching of the rising sun, the warmth of the sun, the
beauty of the snowfall, the happiness of a smile, the hug from a friend, the
kind words from a stranger. He is present in all, whether they chose to
acknowledge it or not. And everyone does that in different ways. What makes
those things even more beautiful is when one acknowledges God in them.
Glorifying Him for those wonderful blessings. I could go on and on but I won’t
right now. But I want to say that although my “God box” was destroyed, now a
new, purer idea is being sculpted, not by others, and not by me but by God
Himself.""
And now I will leave you all with a quote from the back of the confirmation leaders' tshirts at my church,
“I don’t have all the answers, but I know Who does.”
and shoot, I might not even have any. 